Sharing Your Voice: Welcome PPD Survivor Amy

One of the newest blogs that I have found and started reading is Mom’s Me Time. She describes her blog as Ramblings of an accidental, modern day learn as I go, fell out of living one way; into role of house wife & stay at home mom of two! Amy has a sense of humor that I can relate with, a little strange, a little silly. I love her fun style of writing and how she plays with the fonts and the shape of her posts. I have only been reading her blog for a few weeks and look forward to getting to know Amy better.

The most important story I have read from her, is her postpartum depression story. I am honored that she is willing to share her story and Share her Voice. After you read her story here, jump on over to her blog and see what else she has to say.

*********************************

My name is Amy…I am recovering from:

Depression: An illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts, that affects the way a person eats and sleeps, the way one feels about oneself, and the way one thinks about things. A depressive disorder is not the same as a passing blue mood. It is not a sign of personal weakness or a condition that can be wished away. People with a depressive disease cannot merely “pull themselves together” and get better. Without treatment, symptoms can last for weeks, months, or years. Appropriate treatment, however, can help most people with depression.

and this is my story…

I suffered with depression for years and didn’t even know it! It was just the way I lived and if only others would act differently – I would feel ‘better’. I am so grateful that someone cared enough about me that said “I think you may suffer from depression”. I did not see how my isolation, unable to bathe, difficulty functioning, do for me what I ‘should’ be capable of doing for myself, ignoring my needs, neglecting yours, don’t want to get out of bed much less pay any attention to you, it is all your fault, I’m gonna make you feel guilty so that you will love me the way that I am…was depression (“I am not a weak person…I’m strong willed!). I was so immersed in my misery I could not truly see the impact it had on me much less those close to me. I heard their worry filled words…and when I would say “it is going to be different” – I meant it! Broken promises! I now call it the band-aid theory (me treating me was worse than a temporary fix…it denied me the help I deserved and gave false hope to those that love me).

I tried for years to will myself different! After the birth of my third baby (long after), I finally reluctantly admitted (only because someone said do this or else) that maybe just maybe it was depression that was kicking my ass! And, thank GOD! I will always and forever be grateful to that person who loved me enough to tell me the truth. I just wish that it did not take me so long to ask for help. Someone recently told me that if I have one foot in the future and one foot in the past; I am pissing on today! I realize today that depression can not be wished away, willed away, get up and go away…like all illnesses it (in my opinion) must be treated. When I finally reached out and asked for help it seemed like a huge (monumental) task. I felt shame, embarrassment and fear of the unknown (not that I did not feel those same emotions before I asked for help but now I’m saying it to another person and out loud – scary). I am incredibly grateful that I sought help and found a Therapist and a spiritual adviser. And, I am grateful to have found a psychiatrist that treats me and not my symptoms. It was not until Therapy that I discovered I suffered from Postpartum Depression after giving birth to my first baby, she did not survive birth and it left me devastated. My Postpartum Depression went untreated for years; I suffered with bouts of depression on and off and then again after the birth of my second baby and again after the birth of my third baby. Both baby 2 ‘the big one’ and baby 3 ‘the little one’ survived birth (both extremely difficult pregnancies) and are happy (most of the time) and healthy (most of the time), super fabulous, beautiful girls. But, not once was I told or if I was told, I was not capable of hearing it until I was ready…I’m just grateful that I finally asked for help.

Help is out there…it takes only willingness the size of a mustard seed to pickup the phone (and YES the phone will feel as if it weighs a thousand pounds) but, pick it up. In the beginning, I did not do it for me…I did it for my family. A lot of harm has happened over the years as a result of depression. I was doing the best that I could but depression ruled! Today, I am taking responsibility for my actions (more like in-actions), as a result of suffering from depression. I don’t know what the future has in store for me but today I got up took my medicine, showered, put on make-up, met with my therapist, exercised, jumped in water puddles with my youngest daughter, listened to music, prepared my kids a healthy dinner, ate chocolate, played and lost (2) WII sports games with my oldest daughter. I overall enjoyed my day but most of all I was fully present!

I have come to believe depression is a poison that will eat away at my soul…the good news there is an antidote: learning/gathering information on changing my behavior, eating healthy, exercise, therapy, medicine, family, friends, laughing and God.

Have you laughed today? Have you smiled?

The best vitamin to be a happy person is B1.  ~Author Unknown