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I am Not as Strong as I appear. I enjoy weakness from time to time. We are a homeschooling, special needs family of 6. My 4th son has a Congenital Heart defect, and my oldest has ADHD. I am a survivor of Adultery and mental abuse. I learned that you never really know someone until you are strong enough to stand up and walk away. I love and protect my children, with everything I have. My life might seem unbelievable, but I couldn't make this shit up if I tried! Stick around & let's get to know each other.

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Unhappy Nut House

I have written this post over and over. Rewriting and deleting. Starting over.

I guess that is what this is about. Starting over.

I can’t figure out how.

I walk around feeling like I am being choked.

I can’t breathe.

Something is crushing my chest.

The pain is unbearable.

My marriage ended ages ago.

No one told me.

No one tried to fix it.

No one gave me the chance to fix it.

No one gave me the option to walk away with dignity.

No one gave me a choice.

One person made the choice to share our marriage with another.

One person made the choice to move on.

One person walked into my home pretending to be married to me.

One person walked out the door running to another.

One person forced a future on me that I never deserved.

No matter what my mistakes were.

No matter how I failed in our marriage.

My marriage is over.

And now I know.

Now I start over.

 

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15 Responses to Unhappy Nut House

  1. Dagny on March 31, 2013 at 5:13 pm

    OUCH.

    I was flooded with achy feelings when I read your post. I am praying for you and your little ones that God will help you all through and speak healing into your and their little hearts. <3

  2. Ruth on March 18, 2013 at 5:00 pm

    The story is a familiar one to me. The bottom line here will be not to let yourself or the children become ‘victims’. Don’t let bitterness overwhelm you. There will be light at the end of tunnel eventually. A day by day approach works best for now. He will be the loser here as the years go by. Breathe!

    • Hazel Nut on March 18, 2013 at 6:45 pm

      Thanks Ruth! I can see a flicker of light at the end of the tunnel for myself, but I worry so much about how my children will grow up dealing with this. Last week I got through my day 15 minutes at a time. This week I am able to take it 1-2 hours at a time and then I reset. It comes in waves, which is frustrating, one minute I am OK, and the next a million things are running through my head and I can’t turn them off. Much better this week though!

  3. OneMommy on March 15, 2013 at 4:24 pm

    Oh, I am without words.
    I could say that I know how you feel, but I don’t. Not really. We have struggled; there was trust broken; but we both decided to fight for our marriage.
    I’m sorry you weren’t given that chance.

    Saying a prayer for strength and peace to come to you.

    • Hazel Nut on March 17, 2013 at 1:25 pm

      Thanks OneMommy! I would have fought, and gladly walked away defeated if that was the outcome. Anything but this for my children.

      I welcome your prayers and thank you for them.
      Hazel Nut recently posted..Unhappy Nut HouseMy Profile

  4. Megan on March 12, 2013 at 5:54 am

    You are a strong woman, Lisa! <3

    • Hazel Nut on March 17, 2013 at 1:26 pm

      Thank you Megan <3 I let my weakness take over for a while, but I feel stronger than ever.
      Hazel Nut recently posted..Unhappy Nut HouseMy Profile

  5. Amber Harvey on March 11, 2013 at 3:22 pm

    You are strong and beautiful and deserving of love and honesty. He is making he choice and his mistakes. You will always do the best you can as you do already for your family. Things can only get better for you with time.

    • Hazel Nut on March 17, 2013 at 1:29 pm

      Thanks Amber! The first thing my Dad said to my ex when he met him, “There is no where to go from here but up.” He doesn’t have that kind of life ahead of him any more, but my life will increase in joy, love, and respect with every step I take away from him.
      Hazel Nut recently posted..Unhappy Nut HouseMy Profile

  6. Beverley Bouchard on March 11, 2013 at 2:34 pm

    So sorry Lisa.

  7. Rebecca Kelley on March 11, 2013 at 12:27 pm

    Thinking of you all right now. So unfair to you and the children.

  8. Lisa B...theTadey on March 11, 2013 at 12:23 pm

    Praying for you and those babies Lisa. I’m so sorry.

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