Welcome to The Nut House

Login to Comment and Follow

I am Not as Strong as I appear. I enjoy weakness from time to time. We are a homeschooling, special needs family of 6. My 4th son has a Congenital Heart defect, and my oldest has ADHD. I am a survivor of Adultery and mental abuse. I learned that you never really know someone until you are strong enough to stand up and walk away. I love and protect my children, with everything I have. My life might seem unbelievable, but I couldn't make this shit up if I tried! Stick around & let's get to know each other.

Member Login
Lost your password?

Sometimes Social Media Was All I Had

December 15, 2013

Social Media Saved MeI saw this on facebook the other day and had to save it. It made me giggle, but it also made me think about the past 13 years of my life.

It says “Sorry for all my “activity” on Facebook, but since I have kids, this “social” network is really the only “social” time I get…SO DEAL WITH IT.”

There were many times I felt this way over the past decade, but not only because I have kids, but because of everything that my life became when I got lost in motherhood.

So I need to expand on this fun little Meme and add in Owain’s CHD, 5 years of surgeries & appointments, PTSD that comes with standing next to a child’s bed watching nurses fight for his life. I had to keep him away from germs, illness, and many times away from other kids. When he got sick, I was heading to the ER in the middle of the night knowing we would be admitted. After 3 Open Heart Surgeries and now a pacemaker, he is much better able to handle illness, but his first 4 years were long and stressful.

Then I need to add in years and years of systematic brainwashing and isolation from friends and family, orchestrated by someone who was supposed to care for me, Sometimes Social Media Was All I Had.

Someone who was never here, and who never allowed me to work after Owain was born, he never gave me freedom away from him or the children.

He trapped me in my own home, bringing home only insults and criticism.

What I end up with was a strong online community.

When my father was dying, on life support in the ICU. When I actually STOOD UP FOR MYSELF and MY FAMILY, when I went to New York to support my family, sitting in the hospital praying for my father’s life, my husband sent me guilt messages. This is when I really started to understand what had happened to me in my marriage.

“You don’t love me”

“You don’t need me”

“How can you leave me all alone”

“You never appreciate me”

“I know you are ignoring me”

“I know you don’t need me”

Over and over I would get these messages. For 2 months.

Coming from a man who knows what it is like to live in a hospital, who knows that “hospital time” is different. Someone who knows that my father is dying and my heart is breaking.

My mother is sad and terrified. My children are sad. My huge extended family and life long friends are all there, in and out of the hospital and our family home. Doctors, nurses, and specialists are coming and going. My father is getting better, and worse. Our world is spinning out of control.

Prayers are coming in from all over the world, my online community is huge, CHD connected me with beautiful people who are sending me 140 characters of inspiration on Twitter, and there are facebook messages, and emails. Incoming messages of love and support, friends who share stories of losing parents to cancer, I am falling apart and “strangers” are reaching out to me to lift me up.

Not to be selfish, but this IS about ME, this is about my family, our friends, and everyone who loved my father.

And then there is “You don’t need me” and the message from my husband that made it very clear that he was not happy that I was thinking for myself.

I see how and why abusers isolate their victims. It didn’t take me long to find my strength. I was in NEW YORK! I was with friends and family, NO ONE was putting me down. We all clicked, we found our place in the mess that was unfolding before us and we took on what we need to. We worked together as a family. Supporting each other.

But I had to respond to my husband.

“of course I love you.”

“of course I need you”

“I’m not ignoring you, I was talking to the doctors”

“of course I appreciate you”

Day after day.

And it was getting weird.

And kind of scary.

But I let it go. I felt sorry for him. I blamed myself for his suffering. How could I allow my family to take my time away from him. He is all alone. I know the pain of being alone. I am always alone. No one is ever there for me. I get his pain.

But wait.

I am always alone.

He is never home.

Why is this so different?

Simple.

I was in charge of MY life.

He lost control.

Without social media I would have never researched his behavior, I would have never “met” other victims & survivors, I would have continued to listen to his lies, and believed that I was a horrible, ungrateful, woman and mother.

I would have been all alone, embarrassed and ashamed of how he had taken my soul and crushed it. And how he stripped me of everything that made me ME, I would have continued to make excuses for him, creating a happy world so my community wouldn’t judge me for my weakness, I couldn’t let others know what was happening.

I wasn’t going to be THAT woman who was dumb enough to allow herself to he treated so disrespectfully.

I guess I lied.

I lied to my friends.

I lied to my family.

I lied to my community.

Online, I sugar coated my life. But there were emails & messages. Questions asked. I sought out women who spoke out about mental abuse, isolation, brainwashing. I read their stories over and over. I could both relate and deny what had happened to me. I was NOT that weak.

But this wasn’t about being weak or strong. It was about trust. I trusted him to take care of me because he made a promise, to me and my children to care for us.

I could say “sorry for all my mess” or “sorry my life is an open book”

But I am not sorry. Just like when Owain was born, and I got messages of hope from strangers; just like I suffered PPD after my daughter was born, and met beautiful women who helped me through it; I share my story of abuse and recovery; I am a survivor, I am a helper, I am a healer.

I HAVE to share my story.

I know what it is like to feel all alone.

I know what it is like to realize I am lost.

And I know what it is like to KNOW that I have found myself, my voice, and my strength.

I can’t just sit back and bury it any more.

I can’t keep quiet to make society and my community feel comfortable.

I can’t hide behind the sigma that keeps victims quiet and abusers victorious.

I use Social Media to heal, to help others, and to find a peace that I deserve.

Which is kinda funny, when I am with my friends, I just want to live. I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to move on.

I do talk about it with my friends sometimes, it is GOOD to talk about it. It is GOOD to step forward and speak up for yourself.

When I came forward on Social Media, local friends contacted me and shared their abuse. Some have been able to work through it, some have not. Women I hardly know walk up to me and share their stories of abuse and recovery, they show me hope. I would have never known about these women if I did not come forward on SM and share my story.

If you need to talk, share your story, or just say hi, my social media is open to you. You are not alone.

 

Jose Ole Nacho Bites $1.00 OFF Printable Coupon

October 24, 2013

José Olé knows how busy your schedule is, and that your teens’ appetites never stop – especially right after school.

Sounds like the perfect time to break out new José Olé crunchy-cheesy-spicy Nacho Bites, so you can always satisfy your kids’ after school hunger … at Olé O’Clock!

Print this coupon for $1 off the new José Olé crunchy-cheesy-spicy Nacho Bites

Self Portrait – Pft!

September 19, 2013

Self Portrait Pft Hellfire Hazel Silence is Not an Answer Over Thinking will ALWAYS Ruin a Good Thing

Thinking.
Changing.
Daily.
Not lost.
Just resting.
The Sun can’t help up rise.
So I shall chase the Sun until I ride the waves, soak up the fire, and rest in the glow of life.

 

Cool Country Report: Fill-in Poster FREE from Scholastic.com

February 23, 2013
Country Report Homeschool Georgaphy

Head on over to Scholastic.com to get a free one page printout for a Country Report. This looks like it...
Keep Reading »

Homeschool Lapbooks for Science and US History

February 21, 2013
Weather Lapbook Homeschool Science Lesson

This Weather Express Lapbook is on sale at CurrClick for only $1.00! It is normally $8.00, this is such a...
Keep Reading »

I Wish I Knew That: U.S. Presidents, Cool Stuff You Need To Know FREE on Kindle

February 15, 2013
US Presidents Cool Stuffy You Need to Know

I found this fun Kindle book getting ready for some new homeschool lessons for Presidents Day. Our Presidents Day lesson...
Keep Reading »

One Times Table Multiplication Cards FREE on Kindle

February 10, 2013
Kindle Mulitplication Times One Free

This is such a simple and fun homeschool lesson for the little ones. While the big kids are doing lessons,...
Keep Reading »

Lego Math Practice: A Homeschool Lesson with Free Printable

February 9, 2013
Lego Math Practice Free Printable

We all know how obsessed my kids are with Legos, all five of them! My oldest, Wing Nut has hated...
Keep Reading »

52 Weeks of Handwriting: Blue

January 31, 2013
Owee Blue Two

We started our 52 Weeks Of Handwriting today. We had a full day of lessons already planned, with a few...
Keep Reading »

52 Weeks of Handwriting

January 30, 2013
52 Weeks of Handwriting

We have been making our handwriting worksheets with StartWrite for the past couple of years. Mostly I make up worksheets...
Keep Reading »

A Homeschool Lesson to Blow Your Mind: Interactive Scale of the Universe

January 28, 2013
Interactive Scale of the Universe

My oldest, Wing Nut is 11, and is constantly trying to wrap his head around things like traveling close enough...
Keep Reading »

Dinosaurs For Kids at KidsDinos

January 22, 2013
Dinosaurs For Kids at KidsDinos.com

We love the Dinosaurs For Kids website. It has information about hundreds of different Dinosaurs in their Dino-Database, has a...
Keep Reading »

Half-a-Hundred Acre Wood-Orchestra & Composer Guide-Lapbook Review & Giveaway

January 22, 2013
Half-a-Hundred Acre Wood-Orchestra & Composer Guide-Lapbook Review & Giveaway

Brandy over at Half-a-Hundred Acre Wood is giving away a copy of  A Complete Study Guide and Lapbook for the...
Keep Reading »

Charlotte Mason’s Original Homeschooling Series $.99 Kindle Edition

January 21, 2013
Charlotte Mason’s Original Homeschooling Series

This is a GREAT deal for $.99! This is Charlotte’s Original Homeschooling Series – all 6 volumes. This edition comes...
Keep Reading »

PreSchool Scissors Practice – Fun Friday Photos

January 18, 2013
PreSchool Scissors Practice

I wish I could remember where I got the worksheets for the scissor practice! I would like to see if...
Keep Reading »

Free Online Educational Games for Early Learning

December 29, 2012
Homeschool Room Remodel Repairing cracks in the wall painting walls trim baseboard chalk board paint 41

Our family is definitely an electronic one! We have been using the LeapFrop learning systems for years. We have been...
Keep Reading »

125 Top Homeschool Freebies of 2012 | Free Homeschool Deals ©

December 27, 2012
125 Top Homeschool Freebies of 2012 | Free Homeschool Deals ©

Homeschooling 5 kids can very easily become expensive. I recently came across Free Homeschool Deals and quickly discovered she always...
Keep Reading »

Free Wall-e Coloring and Activity Pages

December 13, 2012
Wall-e

My kids love Wall-e: Waste Allocation Load Lifter Earth-Class. Wall-e is considered a classic at The Nut House, for years...
Keep Reading »

More from Homeschool

I'm Not Cheap, I'm Frugal

Jose Ole Nacho Bites $1.00 OFF Printable Coupon

Jose Ole Nacho Bites $1.00 OFF Printable Coupon

José Olé knows how busy your schedule is, and that your teens’ appetites never stop – especially right after school. Sounds like the perfect time to break out new José Olé crunchy-cheesy-spicy Nacho Bites, so you can always satisfy your kids’ after school hunger … at Olé O’Clock! Print this coupon for $1 off...

Dave Ramsey's Free Guide to Budgeting eBook Download

Free Download: Dave’s Guide to Budgeting

  Dave Ramsey is offering a free download, to help get your budget on track, help you get out of debt, and start saving money for your future. This simple budget guide touches on How to Make a Budget, The Envelope System, Paycheck Frequency, Families and Budgets, and Making it Work. The guide is...

Toy Coupons for Thomas, Hot Wheels, and Barbie

Toy Coupons for Thomas, Hot Wheels, and Barbie

Print off these coupons for Thomas, Hot Wheels, and Barbie, and save up to $19.00. Then use the savings to buy extra chocolate for your own secret stash! $3.00 off when you buy $15.00 in Barbie items $4.00 off when you buy $20.00 in Barbie items $2.00 off when you buy $10.00 in Hot...

Printable Diaper & Baby Wipe Coupons from Huggies & Pampers

Printable Diaper & Baby Wipe Coupons from Huggies & Pampers

Print these coupons for Huggies and Pampers diapers and baby wipes. $2.00 off one PULL-UPS Training Pants Jumbo Pack $0.50 off one HUGGIES Baby Wipes, 56 ct $0.50 off ONE Pampers Wipes 60 ct. or larger $1.50 off ONE Pampers Baby Dry Diapers

DIY Soup Can Storage for Pantry

DIY Soup Can Storage for Pantry

I have been working on filling our stockpile again, and after coming across some great Kroger deals combined with coupons, I found myself with a ton of canned soups and sauces with no where to put them. I started searching for storage for canned goods and found some outrageously overpriced stackable units, or entirely...

US Presidents Cool Stuffy You Need to Know

I Wish I Knew That: U.S. Presidents, Cool Stuff You Need To Know FREE on Kindle

I found this fun Kindle book getting ready for some new homeschool lessons for Presidents Day. Our Presidents Day lesson usually focuses on our early Presidents, but when the kids start asking me for information about other Presidents we get distracted and end up pulling out our Presidents cards, searching on the interwebs, and...

The Nut House Creations

Pale Green Serpentine Earrings

Pale Green Serpentine {New Jade} Dangle Earrings

These earrings are listed in my Etsy store, The Nut House Creations, and are...

The History of Silver

My Favorite Metal & The History of Silver-The Element of Change

I have been working to reorganize my jewelry business, get back into designing new...

Handmade Jewelry by Lisa Curcio of The Nut House Creations

The Nut House Creations on Etsy

Thankful Thursday at The Nut House

Thankful Thursday

Am I the only one who is relieved it is finally Thursday?!?  I am...

Take it on Tuesday! And My 1st Etsy Sale

Tuesday is here again and it is time for me to look around my...

The Nut House Creations Etsy Store

I have mentioned many times about how much I love to make jewelry. For...

BlogWithIntegrity.com
Featured Author
Featured Author
view my recipes
Featured Author