Sharing your Voice: Welcome Visiting PPD Survivor Grace

This weeks visiting Postpartum Depression Survivor is Grace from Arms Wide Open. I love how honest and Wide Open Grace is. I have only recently gotten to know Grace on Twitter and read about her story, but it is one that I think about often. She suffered with the weight of the world on her shoulders for 5 months before taking the first steps to heal. To me that seems like forever. Arms Wide Open is a beautiful blog and I am honored to share Graces story here.

Postpartum depression is a thief. It’s a thief in the night.

It sneaks into your life in the comfort of your own home, your own bedroom, your own baby’s nursery. It robs you of peace, of sleep, of laughter and joy. It can even go as far as to steal relationships, memories, and health.

But mostly? It takes time. The precious time we only are given once with our newborn baby.

Postpartum depression stole a lot from me.

But, ironically, it has also given me a great deal. A new perspective, compassion and humility. I cannot do it all. I am not perfect. (if I didn’t know that before, I most assuredly do now!) And most of all, I am not exempt from suffering. I feel a new ind of bond with mothers, with all mothers, but mostly those who have suffered. And I look at my child with different eyes, eyes that have seen the depths of a hole so dark, the light of life is now extravagant.

For a long time I wished away my experience. I hated it. I resented it from the core of my being. The anxiety and insomnia and anger and fear and helplessness. I wanted it to go away, completely.

I’ve written about this before. About awaiting healing. About my impatience with the process. About wanting my old self back.

But you know what PPD ultimately did? It changed my life … permanently. I am scarred, I am different, I am new, and that? Is good. My son just turned 2 last month. Yes, it’s been a long road.

Just yesterday when we were driving in the car, I looked at him, and then turned to my husband and said,

“I don’t think I’ve ever loved him this much. I didn’t think I COULD love him this much.”

That, mothers, is healing. We will be well. It does take time, but we will be well.

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If you are a Postpartum Depression Survivor, and wish to share your story, you can find all the details at The Nut House Community. Sharing Your Voice is a weekly feature at The Nut House and visiting authors share their stories on Mondays.