Happy to Be Home? Maybe. Full of Anxiety? Sure.

We are so grateful to everyone who has been praying for Owain and for all of your wonderful words of encouragement and support.

*I was just getting ready to read over this post and check for random errors when Honey Nut woke up coughing, gagging and pulling for air. Fabulous. I spent about 20 minutes outside in the cold with her, wrapped in blankets, swinging on the playset, while we checked to see how bad she was and ended up giving her a neb treatment. Looks like we have another case of croup. Sigh. So if there are terrible errors or random ramblings that don’t make any sense, today you get to ready my rough draft, thoughts as they come out of my head post. As I am giving her a minute to see how the neb treatment worked, I am now seeing that I will be spending much of the night in a steamy bathroom until the hot water runs out.*

After Owee’s terrible day on Monday, I was so happy to leave on Tuesday! I am not so sure that Owee was as happy to leave as I was, lol. He loves riding in the wagon and most of all he love, love, loves one on one time with mama. He was happy to get home yesterday and fell asleep quickly and spent the rest of the day curled up on the couch. His brothers and sister spent the day taking care of him when he woke up, making sure he had everything he needed, and he was happy to have them watching over him.

Today was a different story completely. Owee woke up as grumpy as could be, was not happy with anyone or anything and had no troubles letting anyone who got close enough exactly how he felt. One thing that he did not care for at all was when I had to do anything for anyone else except for him. Changing sisters diaper, getting food for anyone, talking to anyone, doing anything for anyone else was not tolerated

He was not happy if I got him food, he was not happy when I took it away. We made a huge mistake when I asked his brother to press play on a movie. That led to him laying on the couch screaming “but I want to press play, but I want to press play” for most of the movie.

He is still not eating, unless they are Town House crackers, and even then he insists that he doesn’t really want them, lol.

I think that Owain  may have been happier at the hospital where he had my full attention. And the wagon.

The special kind of misery that took over our house today can not really be described. I am so glad it is over. I am happy to be home, but I am even more happy that today is over.

I am not happy about tomorrow though. I am having some serious anxiety over tomorrow’s follow up visit with peds cardiology. For months I have been thinking about April. I have been mentally preparing myself for April. His birthday is in May, and his appointment is supposed to be in April. And his surgery is planned for this summer sometime.

My head is spinning. And I am edgy, and just as cranky as Owee. I spent the day trying to get him to calm down, find ways to make him happy and as the day went on the more frustrated I became. One minute feeling like I needed to take care of him and make sure that he was comfortable, and the next minute I had to walk away from him because he was driving me crazy. One minute I needed to hold him to be close to him and the next minute I had to put him down and walk away because he kicked me again.

Have I mentioned that my head is spinning? I am not sure which way to turn. I would like to think that he is just really sick with a respiratory illness, one that he is having a hard time getting over. At the same time, I can’t stop worrying that it is his Heart. I wish I had other words to describe how I am feeling right now.

But I don’t.

Except for maybe fear.

We could use some more prayers from Owain’s prayer buddies.