Free is Awesome! The Frustrating Week I Had, not so Awesome

I have had one of “those” weeks! The kind of weeks where everything starts out sunshine and roses, and before I know it I am getting knocked around. It is one of those weeks where I had to work hard to hold on to my self esteem, while continuing to keep control of my life and my emotions, as well as my tongue. I know what can happen if I let my ppd speak for me, and while the truth may be told, the results are something I have to deal with afterward.

I woke up day after day with new struggles pounding me down. It got to the point where I knew that there was nothing I could do but accept my misery, because trying to fight it made things worse.

The final thing that sent me over the edge was getting Owain’s Cath procedure packet in the mail. As I stood in the doorway staring down at the package with my mouth wide open and my head spinning, I suddenly heard the echo of the Fed-Ex man who was still there, asking me if that was my package. All I could manage to mumble was “I wish it wasn’t” as I closed the door.

I melted as I realized how panicked I was for his Cath packet, and I haven’t even receive his packet for his next open Heart surgery. Fabulous. Just when I thought that I might be able to gradually prepare myself for this, I go and fall apart.

So I decided to erase much of the garbage of the week that was tossed at me when I wasn’t looking. Y’all know what I mean, it is gone, I got rid of it and it will not affect me. After having time to work through my week and everything that has happened, I have set aside all of those struggles that came at me from all directions and will not look at them again.

PPD has a horrible way of creeping in just when I am feeling good, and I am walking away from that.

I don’t have the time. Or the energy.

So today, I actually took a shower, for the first time in days, grabbed a pair of scissors and gave myself a haircut, which I have been needing to do for weeks. It was an absolutely beautiful day that may have been close to 80 degrees. According to our outdoor thermometer, as my son informed me, it was over 80 degrees, but the sun was shining directly on it, so I can’t say how accurate it was. It was warm, and sunny and the smell of a damp spring day made me smile.

I am still a bit of a mess. But I am a much more contented mess.

I also have an awesome collection of Samples that I want to show off, but they are in another post. You can see photos of all my free goodies on that post here at The Nut House in my frugal living section. I’m Not Cheap, I’m Frugal, I Heart Samples