Getting Ready for Owain’s Heart Cath on Monday May 16

I like to think that I have been doing a pretty good job holding myself together. Between his birthday on the 3rd,  thinking about his first surgery 3 years ago, his upcoming Heart Cath tomorrow,  with surgery next month, I have had plenty to freak out over. I have really tried to turn everything he has gone through up until now into a blessing as he is here with me today when there were moments when we thought he wouldn’t make it.

Today, I am not doing such a great job at it hanging on. No meltdowns, no crying, although I have felt like doing both of them many times today, but for other reasons that involve 2 cranky babies and lots of unhappiness all around. Oh, the joy of teething molar,s and toddler temper tantrums. And really, I am serious about the joy of it all. I would much rather listen to the shrill of my 3 year old who is upset about the fact that his little sister wants to be a cat and not a dog, than to listen to the silence of him not being here. But today, I am thinking about Owee’s Heart Cath tomorrow.

I am thinking about all the things that can go wrong, too many what ifs are dancing in my head, taking control of my day. My day that is almost over and nothing has gotten done. I am losing time today and hope that I can make it through the rest of the day without losing my mind.

We have been through this before. He has had a few Heart Caths. But that was before. He was a baby. A real baby. A brand new baby. He wasn’t a big kid. He didn’t talk or walk or tell me stories or sing me songs. We have been through this before, but it was so long ago. I remember how scared I was, but have forgotten how scary it is. But not really so much forgotten, but misplaced and pushed aside.

Please take a few minutes to think of Owain Monday morning and send a few prayers his way.