I do enjoy weakness from time to time, in fact I welcome it when needed and see it as a wonderful way to heal. There is a very small group of people who should know better than to think I am not strong enough to continue to homeschool and raise my children in the same way I always have.
Don’t forget, I have lived the life of a single mom for most of my marriage.
The only difference now is that I am no longer waiting for my husband to come home, wondering if he will be available to his family, or making more excuses for his constant absence.
Now that I know he is not coming home, life is so much more manageable. I know what to expect. And what not to expect. I will no longer be let down by broken promises. I know that I no longer have him to vent to when life is hard, when the kids are driving me crazy and I feel like a bad mother. I also know that there will be no demeaning response from him that will take the feeling of being a failure and turning it into believing I am a failure.
With no expected help comes no disappoint.
I am stronger than many give me credit for, or even believe is possible.
It takes a song woman to stand next to a child, surrounded by machines having no clue if they will live or die. I am that strong woman.
It takes a strong woman to stand next to a father and not know if he will live or die, to be there when he leaves this world. To take a tragic moment in life to teach her children the real meaning of family, of love and respect, as they help each other put their lives back together. I am that strong woman.
It takes a strong and dedicated woman to offer forgiveness for the ultimate of all betrayal. Yes, I am that woman.
It takes a strong woman to raise and teach 5 children, and get very little emotional, physical or hands on help from anyone. And to be outstanding at it. You better believe I am that woman.
And there is nothing anyone can do to stop me.
Why is it so easy to be strong when what I could use now is the chance to be weak?
Because I have to be.
I continue to be honest, loyal, respectful, loving, trusting to an obvious fault, and above all – strong enough to be myself, to be everything I ever was, and everything I thought my husband was.
I will continue to homeschool my children and stay at home with them, because that is what they need. That is what they know. That is what they deserve. I am strong for my children, because without my strength, they are lost.
I do not lie to those I love, cheat to escape the lies, pretend to be someone I am not, or blame others for my own personal demons.
I am something my husband will never be. I am strong. I will get better and be better. I will be eternally happy in my life knowing that not only am I stronger than my husband, but I am stronger because of his weakness.
And that is Strong Enough.